Survey on Factors Motivating Desire to Change

Why change? What could possibly motivate us to go against our seemingly "natural" urges and do all the hard work described on this Web site?

Survey: What Motivates You to Seek Change?

In 2006, People Can Change surveyed the members of our online support groups.  (See the complete survey summary here.)  We asked, “To what extent, if any, do each of the following motivate you to seek change?”  We then listed 18 possible factors that some men have identified as motivating their desire to change.  A total of 189 usable surveys were completed.

Multiple Factors

On average, each respondent identified 14.1 of the 18 factors as contributing to their desire to change – 9.5 as “major” and 4.6 as “somewhat” motivational factors.

Most frequently cited factors motivating a desire to change:

1) Desire to heal emotional wounds at the root of my same-sex attractions (SSA) – 91% (a major motivating factor for 77% of respondents)

2) Personal values – 90% (major for 68%)

3) Expectation of unhappiness in gay life – 90% (major for 63%)

4) Spirituality – 87% (major for 68%)

5) Desire for nonsexual male friendships – 86% (major for 63%)

6) Personal conscience – 86% (major for 63%)

Least frequently cited factors:

18) Outside pressure from others – 55% (a major motivating factor for 22% of respondents)

17) Fear of disease – 56% (major for 25%)

16) Inability (or disbelief in their ability) to find satisfying gay relationships – 56% (major for 30%)

15) Fear of rejection – 65% (major for 25%)

14) Shame – 73% (major for 41%)

Comments from Survey Respondents on: Why Change?

“I realized I was looking for a father figure that my dad was not.”

“I want to overcome the wounds thrown on me via sexual abuse by other males who used me.”

“My homosexual desires seem to be rooted in a deficit that I feel and want another man to fill. [In contrast,] my heterosexual desires come from a sense of being complemented by the attributes of a woman.”

“I see it as a false and unsatisfactory way to cater to basic emotional needs that were not properly met in my childhood and adolescence.”

“These feelings always contradicted with my moral values. They’ve caused me much pain when they’ve come up within my male friendships.”

“I truly believe I can never be happy in a gay life and I’m positive that change is possible. This motivates me to seek change.”

“I have a strong relationship with God and anything that comes between that I don’t want in my life. This has been a huge obstacle in my relationship with God. I want to live the life God has for me, not the one I feel is easiest at times.”

“I am seeking a better relationship with God by giving up SSA for God’s will.”

“I find homosexual feelings incompatible with genuine male friendships.”

“Having healthy same-gendered friendships is MUCH more rewarding, even with guys I would normally have had sexual feelings toward in the past. I get to know them as people, and the SSA feelings immediately subside.”

“I want to connect with men in a non-sexual way. I was doing the sexual way for a long time and it never gave me what it was that I was really wanting. Now that I have healthy real male friendships and I am getting my needs met, I am happier than I have been most of my life.”

“Whenever I have indulged in these feelings or behaviors it feels overwhelmingly wrong, false, and self-destructive.”

“I believe happiness lies in living a life where I am loved by a woman, living in a marriage, with children, constantly improving and growing in those relationships.”

“I want to fulfill my vows of marriage.”

“I want to be happy, and happiness to me means a wife and children in a loving family.”

“The SSA makes me not identify with being a man.”

“I want to be proud of being male. I am not.

“I want to conform to my God-given gender, to achieve and become fully male.”

“I want to feel, think, look, act, be and live heartfelt masculinity after that of God’s own heart and image.”

Return to Top of Page

Go on to RootCauses, Gay Consequences Page